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College Humor

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Tons of hot college chicks and humorous multi-media files for download inside! Plus tons of pop culture and celebrity talk to keep you occupied! This is the cream of the crop variety blog, there are so many out there but none can surpass the quality of the good folks at College Humor! They also feature articles, games, and other hot items on the blog that you simply can't miss!
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[v]Latest College Humor news
Date: 12.15.2017
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Date: 12.16.2017
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Date: 12.15.2017
Even with all the gossip readily available about celebrities and their glamorous lives, there are some who still manage to keep us on our toes. These nine household names lead double lives that may be even more fascinating than their popular public personas. ? ? ?? 1. Terry Crews Is An Insanely Good Painter Terry Crews is known for his killer pecs (and Old Spice... and White Chicks), but the man behind the muscles has the true soul of an artist. On Jimmy Kimmel Live! he revealed his talent for creating photorealistic paintings and drawings. Via @Brooklyn99FOX ? Before ultimately pursuing football and acting, Crews received an art scholarship for the prestigious Interlochen Centre for the Arts in Michigan. For a while he was a sketch artist in a courtroom, but he later turned his attention to sports. When he found himself repeatedly getting benched and/or cut, Crews survived off painting portraits of his teammates, some of which he'd sell for up to $5,000. The Brooklyn 99 writers caught wind of Crews' talent and wrote? an episode that featured his character chasing after an oil painting... one that Crews painted in real life. One thing's for sure, I'd let Crews paint me like one of his French girls anytime. ? ?? 2. George Clooney is Funding a Satellite Surveillance Program George Clooney has been an outspoken humanitarian for years, but recently he's taken his philanthropy to an atmospheric level. In an interview with Parade, Clooney admitted using the money he received from Nespresso coffee commercials?to fund a satellite spy program. The target of his surveillance? Sudan's dictator Omar al-Bashir, who has been charged with war crimes for leading violence in Darfur. ? via Giphy ? The purpose of Clooney's program is to warn Sudanese civilians of possible attacks that al-Bashir and his army may be planning. As expected, al-Bashir is not pleased with all the camera attention, but Clooney doesn't seem interested in removing his take on the paparazzi anytime soon. He told the Guardian, "I want the war criminal to have the same amount of attention that I get. I think that's fair." Now, that is how to do a humble brag! ?? 3. Geena Davis Is One of The Best Archers in the Country Actress Geena Davis has starred in multiple horror movies and comedies, as well as the sports classic A League of Their Own. However, Davis discovered her own athletic prowess when she decided to take up archery at age 41. Just two years later, she was a strong contender for the 2000 Olympics. via Youtube She never made it past the trials, but she did receive the title of being the 13th best archer in the United States. The Oscar winner even shows off her archery tricks and comedic talent simultaneously in a video for Funny or Die. Clearly, Davis has got pretty good aim whether she's shooting arrows into targets or America's hearts. ?? 4. Angelina Jolie collects daggers Angelina Jolie discovered her fascination with daggers as a child, while attending Renaissance fairs with her mother. She received her own set of knives when she was 11 or 12 years old, and from then on continued to add to her collection. According to Jolie, she finds knives to be physically beautiful as well as culturally fascinating. "It reminds you of history, and there's just something beautiful about them and traditional. Each country has different knives and weapons, and that's why I started collecting them." The size and scope of Jolie's collection is unknown, but it supposedly includes valuable pieces such as handmade butterfly knives and William Henry folding knives, some of which are worth over $20,000. via Catawiki ? Jolie insists that the knives are more for collecting purposes than for cutting anything, and she keeps them stored away from her children. However, based on some admissions about her past, knives used to be an accessory in Jolie's bedroom activities. "Early on in my first sexual relationship, I got knives out... it didn't hurt, it was cold, and it felt so primitive, and it felt so honest." I guess Jolie likes more than just a sharp wit in her foreplay. ? ?? 5. Snoop Dogg is a Licensed Football Coach Imagine having Snoop Dogg as your football coach... it sounds like a gimmicky contest, but the D-O-double-G actually runs his own Youth Football League Pee Wee Division. He founded the league in 2004 while his son, Corde, was a young football player, and it's only grown larger ever since. Even with a heavy schedule of album releases and concerts, Snoop makes it to every game and almost every Thursday night practice. According to Snoop, "My ultimate message is making these boys classy young gentlemen... as hard as I am on them, as much as I yell at them, I always bring sensibility. And we're a real good team because of it." via Football Scoop ? John Ross III, the fastest man in NFL draft history, was a member of Snoop Dogg's All Star League. ?According to Ross, Snoop kept his rap persona separate from his coaching persona. Even when the team would come over to his mansion, he would never drink or smoke in front of them and the recording studio was strictly off-limits. "People always ask me what it was like playing for Snoop," Ross says. "I'm telling you, he actually coached. He was at every practice. He called the plays in the huddle." Throw this rapper a bone! ?? 6. Kesha has an IQ of 140 and scored almost near perfect on?the SATs Ke$ha has proven herself to be a badass, especially with the release of her latest album, but it turns out the glittery pop singer may also be a genius. She supposedly has an IQ of 140, which is considered by psychologists to be very superior intelligence. This "fact" about Ke$ha is proclaimed on several different websites across the internet, but never actually backed up by results from a Stanford-Binet Intelligence Scale, as writer Damien Hospital points out. However, there are other pieces of evidence that point to Ke$ha's high intellect aside from her IQ score. via WTOP ? Ke$ha revealed her?studious side from high school to NPR, ?"I was in the international baccalaureate program, I loved physics and math, and I was in the marching band." She would even drive over to Belmont College to sit in on some of their history classes for fun. In an interview with Time, she affirmed the rumor that she received a 1500 (out of 1600) on her SATs. "Yeah. I was all set out for, like, a life of academia," she chortled. She planned to study psychology and religion at Barnard College. Instead, she chose to drop out of high school a month before graduation and pursue her dreams in the music industry. She affirmed that the road has been tough but she doesn't regret her decision to choose music: "I've never looked back."?Maybe I should start brushing my teeth with a bottle of Jack, too. ?? 7. Rod Stewart Collects Model Trains Singer Rod Stewart has dated six professional models, but it seems that his real passion lies with model trains. He builds many of his extensive train sets himself, and developed a habit of taking the modeling pieces and tools with him on tour. After a night of performing, he would wake up early in the morning in his hotel room and get to work constructing. Stewart's most recent 1,500 sq. foot layout takes up almost the entire third floor of his mansion in Beverly Hills. TheRichest.com describes it as "a sprawling layout modelled after Manhattan and Chicago of the late 1940s, complete with buildings, cars, storefronts, characters, and of course the train terminal that housed the Pennsylvania and the New York Central lines". via Organizing LA ? Stewart has been on the cover of Model Railroader Magazine twice, and his impressive sets are well-known among the model train community. "I'm proud to be a railway modeler," Stewart said. "It means more to me to be on the cover of Model Railroader than to be on the cover of a music magazine." With a successful career and a fulfilling hobby, Stewart's priorities seem right on track. ?? 8. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is a Best-Selling Author Most people know Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as a basketball legend who shattered records playing for the Milwaukee Bucks and Los Angeles Lakers. However, in the past few decades, Abdul-Jabbar has established himself as a prolific writer with several bestsellers and a regular column in Time Magazine. It appears that no genre is off limits for the sports icon; some of his works include histories of forgotten African-American icons, books for children, and... ?a reimagining of the life of Sherlock Holmes' brother, Mycroft. The latter was released last year with critical acclaim, and Abdul-Jabbar admits he has been always fascinated by Holmes and his ability to "see clues where other people saw nothing". He even credits Holmes' power of observation for inspiring him to be a more cognizant player on the court. via Youtube ? This passion for writing didn't come out of nowhere. As a high schooler, Abdul-Jabbar worked as a cub reporter in Harlem?and covered Martin Luther King, Jr., as well as story about an off-duty white cop who fatally shot a black teenager. He has since continued to write about race relations in America and was named a global cultural ambassador for the United States in 2012. Despite his retirement, Abdul-Jabbar clearly isn't throwing away his (hook) shot. ?? 9. Vin Diesel Plays Dungeons & Dragons He's known for playing the toughest characters on the big screen, but Vin Diesel has a nerdy secret hobby: he's actually a huge Dungeons & Dragons fan. He's been playing for over twenty years and wrote the foreword to 30 Years of Adventure: A Celebration of Dungeons & Dragons. Diesel loves sharing his knowledge about the game and even taught Dame Judi Dench to play while on the set of The Chronicles of Riddick, which I'm assuming was the most intense board game experience in history. via ComingSoon.net ? Vin Diesel is very attached to Melkor, his character in the game, and starred in a film that was based entirely around him. Melkor inspi… read more
 
Date: 12.14.2017
1. Old People Who Somehow Still Don't Understand How This Bullshit Works "Sure, this has been the norm for over 15 years at this point, but I'm still gonna be a crotchety old person who wants to loudly complain about how much simpler things USED to be! Because complaining about security lines while in the security line will definitely solve something, and not just lead to me going even slower than I already am going. You have to take off your shoes?! That's crazy! I'm going to react like it's the first time I've heard about this even though this has happened nonstop to me for over a decade!" 2. Guy With Two Carry-Ons, 4 Laptops, 8 Cell Phones, a Coat, etc. "Ahhh shoot - sorry, sorry - I know I'm holding up the entire line, but I just REALLY need 6 separate plastic bins. I know I could have gotten my multiple laptops and tablets out earlier, but I decided to wait until the last possible moment so I could maximize the amount of scrambling I have to do. And I'll end up forgetting about my belt, my keys, and a nail clipper I had in my pocket for some reason, so I'll have to keep going through the metal detector over and over. Sorry!" 3. Guy Arguing About Wanting to Keep His Bottle of Water "Listen - it's JUST a bottle of water. See? It's not even full - it's only HALF-full. Watch, I'll take a sip. See? It CAN'T be dangerous! I'M DRINKING IT! Well, no, I don't want to drink ALL of it now. Just let me take it through the line. I know it's against the rules BUT keep in mind I thought I could sneak it through, since the rule is bullshit. NO, I DO NOT CARE THAT I'M SLOWING EVERYTHING DOWN AND COULD VERY EASILY JUST BUY ANOTHER BOTTLE OF WATER FOR $1.49 ONCE I GET PAST THE GATE! IT'S A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE!" 4. Anyone With Brown Skin and a Beard Who Dumb People & TSA People Get Nervous Around "Hey, it's me - the Sikh wearing a pagri, which everyone around me will read as 'a Muslim guy wearing a turban who may be a terrorist.' I mean, not that it actually makes a difference, but c'mon - is it THAT hard to figure out the differences in headwear and cultures? There are BILLIONS of non-white non-Christians, it's probably time you stop assuming we're just an amorphous single group. I'm not Muslim, but even if I was - what difference does it make? You ARE aware that there are way more domestic terrorist attack deaths caused by white Christian men than by Muslims per year? But more importantly: ASSUMING SOMEONE IS A TERRORIST BECAUSE OF HOW THEY LOOK IS EXTREMELY FUCKED UP, SO MAYBE CUT IT OUT? It's fine, though. I love being constantly stared at and given EXTRA SPECIAL ATTENTION by TSA agents, who excessively check everything literally every time I go through security (but give pretty much everyone else a pass) to the point where I have to EXPECT to be held up at least an additional 30 minutes. I love being racially profiled for the pleasure of taking a Spirit Airlines plane to Topeka to visit my in-laws. Totally worth being degraded." 5. Ultra-Efficient Type Who's On the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown "I've pretty much memorized that George Clooney bit from Up in the Air completely - I travel with the bare minimum of baggage, I never take more than 15 seconds to prep myself to get through security, and I get insanely frustrated by literally everyone else who shows even a moment's hesitation. WEAR SHOES YOU CAN EASILY SLIP ON AND OFF, IT'S NOT THAT HARD. Very excited to have a stress-fueled heart attack when the person in front of me getting on the plane tries to jam their carry-on into the overhead compartment that is CLEARLY already full." 6. Fancy Rich Person Who Gets To Go In the Fancy Rich Person Line "Hey, I didn't do anything WRONG. I just happened to be well-off enough that I got a SPECIAL TICKET that allows me to go through this fancy rich person line that has no one in it, so I get to zip right through and not even think about it. Heck, they don't even make me take my shoes off. What? It's not MY fault I'm rich. If YOU had been smarter and born into a life of wealth and luxury like I had, you could be in this line too. Not a great decision to be poor and stuck in the regular line, but not everyone can be a genius sitting in first class like me." 7. Guy Running Like 45 Minutes Late Who Really Wants To Cut "C'mon, just let me cut to the front of the line! I'm running late and my plane is going to take off in 15 minutes! What do you mean, 'go to the back of the line?' Why should I have to deal with the same rules and restrictions as everyone else - don't you realize MY NEEDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES?! It's NOT FAIR - there was TRAFFIC. No one else here had to deal with traffic, probably. Also I woke up late, which also isn't my fault, because I slept through my alarm! All I'm asking is that you don't make me wait in the same line everyone else has had to endure, and that I get to skip all the hard stuff as a reward for being irresponsible." 8. Person with WAY Too Many Kids "Darryn! Aemily! Chaxler! Graymon! Daenerys! Mayve! Get back here and take off your shoes! Do you have your bags? Take out all of your iPads, NOW! Hey, I said take off your SHOES, not your pants, Darryn! Graymon, how many iPads did you bring? I SAID ONLY BRING TWO IPADS APIECE! You're holding up the line! I THINK TRAVELING WITH THIS MANY UNCONTROLLABLE AND RESTLESS CHILDREN WAS PROBABLY ILL-ADVISED! Well, at least everyone will also hate me and my kids when we get on the plane and they all start whining and crying super loudly and I get agitated and scream at them to be quiet." read more
 
Date: 12.13.2017
1. Old People Who Somehow Still Don't Understand How This Bullshit Works "Sure, this has been the norm for over 15 years at this point, but I'm still gonna be a crotchety old person who wants to loudly complain about how much simpler things USED to be! Because complaining about security lines while in the security line will definitely solve something, and not just lead to me going even slower than I already am going. You have to take off your shoes?! That's crazy! I'm going to react like it's the first time I've heard about this even though this has happened nonstop to me for over a decade!" 2. Guy With Two Carry-Ons, 4 Laptops, 8 Cell Phones, a Coat, etc. "Ahhh shoot - sorry, sorry - I know I'm holding up the entire line, but I just REALLY need 6 separate plastic bins. I know I could have gotten my multiple laptops and tablets out earlier, but I decided to wait until the last possible moment so I could maximize the amount of scrambling I have to do. And I'll end up forgetting about my belt, my keys, and a nail clipper I had in my pocket for some reason, so I'll have to keep going through the metal detector over and over. Sorry!" 3. Guy Arguing About Wanting to Keep His Bottle of Water "Listen - it's JUST a bottle of water. See? It's not even full - it's only HALF-full. Watch, I'll take a sip. See? It CAN'T be dangerous! I'M DRINKING IT! Well, no, I don't want to drink ALL of it now. Just let me take it through the line. I know it's against the rules BUT keep in mind I thought I could sneak it through, since the rule is bullshit. NO, I DO NOT CARE THAT I'M SLOWING EVERYTHING DOWN AND COULD VERY EASILY JUST BUY ANOTHER BOTTLE OF WATER FOR $1.49 ONCE I GET PAST THE GATE! IT'S A MATTER OF PRINCIPLE!" 4. Anyone With Brown Skin and a Beard Who Dumb People & TSA People Get Nervous Around "Hey, it's me - the Sikh wearing a pagri, which everyone around me will read as 'a Muslim guy wearing a turban who may be a terrorist.' I mean, not that it actually makes a difference, but c'mon - is it THAT hard to figure out the differences in headwear and cultures? There are BILLIONS of non-white non-Christians, it's probably time you stop assuming we're just an amorphous single group. I'm not Muslim, but even if I was - what difference does it make? You ARE aware that there are way more domestic terrorist attack deaths caused by white Christian men than by Muslims per year? But more importantly: ASSUMING SOMEONE IS A TERRORIST BECAUSE OF HOW THEY LOOK IS EXTREMELY FUCKED UP, SO MAYBE CUT IT OUT? It's fine, though. I love being constantly stared at and given EXTRA SPECIAL ATTENTION by TSA agents, who excessively check everything literally every time I go through security (but give pretty much everyone else a pass) to the point where I have to EXPECT to be held up at least an additional 30 minutes. I love being racially profiled for the pleasure of taking a Spirit Airlines plane to Topeka to visit my in-laws. Totally worth being degraded." 5. Ultra-Efficient Type Who's On the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown "I've pretty much memorized that George Clooney bit from Up in the Air completely - I travel with the bare minimum of baggage, I never take more than 15 seconds to prep myself to get through security, and I get insanely frustrated by literally everyone else who shows even a moment's hesitation. WEAR SHOES YOU CAN EASILY SLIP ON AND OFF, IT'S NOT THAT HARD. Very excited to have a stress-fueled heart attack when the person in front of me getting on the plane tries to jam their carry-on into the overhead compartment that is CLEARLY already full." 6. Fancy Rich Person Who Gets To Go In the Fancy Rich Person Line "Hey, I didn't do anything WRONG. I just happened to be well-off enough that I got a SPECIAL TICKET that allows me to go through this fancy rich person line that has no one in it, so I get to zip right through and not even think about it. Heck, they don't even make me take my shoes off. What? It's not MY fault I'm rich. If YOU had been smarter and born into a life of wealth and luxury like I had, you could be in this line too. Not a great decision to be poor and stuck in the regular line, but not everyone can be a genius sitting in first class like me." 7. Guy Running Like 45 Minutes Late Who Really Wants To Cut "C'mon, just let me cut to the front of the line! I'm running late and my plane is going to take off in 15 minutes! What do you mean, 'go to the back of the line?' Why should I have to deal with the same rules and restrictions as everyone else - don't you realize MY NEEDS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ONES?! It's NOT FAIR - there was TRAFFIC. No one else here had to deal with traffic, probably. Also I woke up late, which also isn't my fault, because I slept through my alarm! All I'm asking is that you don't make me wait in the same line everyone else has had to endure, and that I get to skip all the hard stuff as a reward for being irresponsible." 8. Person with WAY Too Many Kids "Darryn! Aemily! Chaxler! Graymon! Daenerys! Mayve! Get back here and take off your shoes! Do you have your bags? Take out all of your iPads, NOW! Hey, I said take off your SHOES, not your pants, Darryn! Graymon, how many iPads did you bring? I SAID ONLY BRING TWO IPADS APIECE! You're holding up the line! I THINK TRAVELING WITH THIS MANY UNCONTROLLABLE AND RESTLESS CHILDREN WAS PROBABLY ILL-ADVISED! Well, at least everyone will also hate me and my kids when we get on the plane and they all start whining and crying super loudly and I get agitated and scream at them to be quiet." read more
 
Date: 12.13.2017
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Date: 12.11.2017
The game show that takes all of that completely useless information you have in your head and makes it kinda sorta a little bit useful, for a short period of time. read more
 
Date: 12.11.2017
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Date: 12.11.2017
For an entire generation, watching The Simpsons was something akin to a religious experience. Day in, day out, we would watch reruns of The Simpsons as they aired in syndication, we would rewind and rewatch original run episodes we'd taped on VHS (that had the extra bits later cut for syndication), and - most importantly - we would relentlessly quote and reference the show to one another. "Referencing The Simpsons" became second nature to a certain subsection of the population - practically a language all of its own. Impenetrable and jarring to anyone not familiar with "classic run" Simpsons episodes (roughly seasons 1-10), but as familiar and understandable as anything to those in the know. And for years and years, that's how it was. The same seasons, the same references, the same...everything. Something was bound to change eventually - you can only say "bake 'em away, toys" so often before it starts to grow a little stale (that's not actually true, but bear with me) - and once the change began to happen, it made total, perfect sense, although no one could have predicted that THIS would be the path things would go down. Of course, I'm referring to (what's generally known as) "Simpsons shitposting."? "Simpsons shitposting" had simple roots - ugly, blurry screencaps of Marge krumping in a (semi)-recent run episode, simple faceswaps, awkward screencaps that would capture mid-frame movement, replacing everyone's face with Hans Moleman, etc. But as of the past two years or so, they've evolved into something more sophisticated (on the whole). They've evolved into cross-reference masterpieces: The basic essence of the modern version of Simpsons Shitposting is that instead of a SINGLE reference from The Simpsons, you give the people MULTIPLE references bizarrely interwoven with one another in inexplicable ways...that still leave both (or MORE) references intact. It's a delicate act - but the beauty of it is that it brings SURPRISE back to Simpsons references. That was the problem (I use that term very loosely - there was no actual "problem" with some of the best TV ever produced) with Simpsons references - they had all become too familiar and rote, so every reference was anticipated and expected. It was dull - there was no way to actually catch anyone by surprise with a reference, unless you were just pulling some random never-talked-about moment as some kind of ironic joke (I had a friend who used to reference Wendell frequently). But Simpsons Shitposting was able to bring that surprise back to the references and jokes we all know and love, free of irony. And hell, it REWARDED the kind of deep Simpsons knowledge that is otherwise only utilized at bar trivia nights - not only did you have to understand individual moments from Simpsons episodes, you had to be able to juggle multiple ones at the same time. Of course, there grew certain GENRES within this already seemingly niche subgroup of memes, primarily around specific references that could be twisted and and repurposed in a multitude of ways: Moe's "dissing your fly girl" class speech Burns' false identity "Snrub" Todd Flanders' shocking "I don't want any damn vegetables" reply to his mother Lenny's drunken thumbs up to a terrified Mr. Burns after a company-sponsored drag race night The angry dad who warns his kids that it'll be "back to Winnipeg" if they don't calm down and there was a good day or two where the Simpsons subreddit was ALL ABOUT the Tungsten guy. But none of these hold a candle to the KING of Simpsons Shitposting: STEAMED HAMS. "Steamed hams" is - of course - in reference to the Skinner and Chalmers story from 22 Short Stories About Springfield, showcasing a seemingly disastrous dinner date that manages to work out (mostly) well, thanks to Skinner's completely unbelievable lies and Chalmers' surprising acceptance of said lies. If you've read this far, hopefully I don't need to actually EXPLAIN the scene to you - you know it like the? back of your hand. And the reason you know it is because it's possibly the most perfect sequence The Simpsons ever produced. It's short - only around 2 and a half minutes. But in that short timespan, it packs in jokes and character moments so densely, it's nearly unbelievable. There is not a single ounce of fat in this scene - everything moves lightning fast and no beat goes to waste. It's a masterclass in comedy writing that we should all feel blessed we were able to witness. Career best voice acting from Harry Shearer as Skinner and Hank Azaria as Chalmers. You can hear Skinner's increasing desperation (and impossible attempts to maintain an aura of calmness, like when he tries to get his terrified mother to go along with the lie that the house burning down is "just the Northern Lights") with every new fib, and each one of Chalmers' quietly disbelieving "uh-huh"s is a work of art (to say nothing of the "AURORA BOREALIS?!" section ending in a meek "...may I see it?"). The way the bit plays off of an established rhythm between Chalmers and Skinner taken to the most absurd degree possible. Sure, Chalmers may shrug off hearing a student ask "what's a battle?" with Skinner's awkward interjection of clarifying Ralph was asking "what's that rattle?" or that there would be an unrelated article within the banner headline of the newspaper - but those lies never compounded beyond one or two questions. Here, the lies begin piling on top of each other and growing in absurdity, until Skinner's desperately trying to claim grilled hamburgers are called "steamed hams" in upstate New York (specifically Albany) and that the raging fire within his kitchen is actually just aurora borealis. At each turn, you expect the flimsy house of cards Skinner has built to finally collapse (because how could it not?), and at each turn Chalmers just accepts Skinner's blatant cover and moves on. Through this scene, the term "steamed hams" entered the lexicon and "aurora borealis" was forever given a new connotation?forever - seriously, I would imagine an enormous chunk of people on this planet would immediately associate it instantly with the fire raging in Skinner's kitchen ahead of the atmospheric lights visible in the higher latitudes. And having these two unbelievably memorable terms made for?perfect shitpost fodder:?all it really takes to make a solid shitpost out of it is to replace two faces with those of Skinner and Chalmers and swap one key phrase with "steamed hams." The results are...magical. And the nature of these shitposts continues to evolve - someone composed the ENTIRE "steamed hams" sequence for piano. And it works...surprisingly well. There's also someone who edited 10 different versions of the scene (each getting progressively faster) so that they would all sync up when Chalmers says "AURORA BOREALIS!", a version that plays as normal except that all of Skinner and Chalmers' lines are reversed (it makes sense if you watch it), a version where the dialogue is translated into Chinese and then back into English using Google Translate, and so on. Basically, "steamed hams" has become the ultimate source of inspiration for Simpsons shitposters all around the world (as it deserves). INTERVIEW: BILL OAKLEY We managed to get ahold of Bill Oakley to answer some questions, because I will take ANY opportunity to pester my writing heroes about utterly nonsensical memes they inspired. In case you didn't know, Oakley is the individual responsible for the "steamed hams" segment, and is thus responsible for the spread of this genre of shitpost. I wanted to know his feelings on the matter: Have you ever heard of or seen "Simpsons shitposts"? Specifically the trend of mixed-reference shitposts? Sorry for typing "shitpost" so much. Yes, I have seen hundreds and hundreds of them and I love almost all of them. What's your take on Simpsons shitposting? I think your analysis is spot-on. ?It is remixing references which have grown pretty tired after 20 straight years and putting them together in new and delightful ways. ?Actually my only quibble is that I don't think they are shitty so I think the term is a?misnomer. I agree that the term "shitpost" isn't really ideal for this subgenre, which feels like an honest-to-goodness art form, if a highly specific one. Maybe "fishbulbs"? I like fishbulbs! When you originally wrote the "steamed hams" sequence of 22 Short Films About Springfield, did you feel you had struck something meaningful? No, I had no idea whether it was funny or not. ?I thought there was a possibility it might be?terrifically unfunny, in fact. ?It was?extremely self-indulgent of me to write the longest segment in the entire episode and not include a single "traditional" joke and I thought there was a huge possibility it might get cut. ?When I turned the script into Greg Daniels, who was coordinating the episode, I seem to recall he read through it without laughing once. ?And the table read was a pretty big failure at the time too. ?It seems to have gotten a lot more popular as time went on -- which I appreciate. When did you start realizing "steamed hams" had become a legitimate meme unto itself? I feel like I first noticed it three or four years ago, on Twitter and to a lesser degree on Facebook. ?Then when this happened about 18 months ago (https://www.buzzfeed.com/bradesposito/thousands-of-people-keep-asking-this-grocery-store). I knew the whole thing had taken off and since then it has been feeding on itself. ?I have a feeling?"Inventor of Steamed Hams" is going to be on my tombstone now. Do you have a favorite "steamed hams" meme, shitpost, or video? There are a ton - someone even turned the scene into a track in Guitar Hero. My favorite one is the one my kids made me two years ago for Christmas, which is a live action reenactment of the entire segment, word for word and shot for shot, starring them. ?They even had?steam coming out of Seymour's oven (my actual oven) for the flaming roast. ?Ho… read more
 
Date: 12.11.2017
For an entire generation, watching The Simpsons was something akin to a religious experience. Day in, day out, we would watch reruns of The Simpsons as they aired in syndication, we would rewind and rewatch original run episodes we'd taped on VHS (that had the extra bits later cut for syndication), and - most importantly - we would relentlessly quote and reference the show to one another. "Referencing The Simpsons" became second nature to a certain subsection of the population - practically a language all of its own. Impenetrable and jarring to anyone not familiar with "classic run" Simpsons episodes (roughly seasons 1-10), but as familiar and understandable as anything to those in the know. And for years and years, that's how it was. The same seasons, the same references, the same...everything. Something was bound to change eventually - you can only say "bake 'em away, toys" so often before it starts to grow a little stale (that's not actually true, but bear with me) - and once the change began to happen, it made total, perfect sense, although no one could have predicted that THIS would be the path things would go down. Of course, I'm referring to (what's generally known as) "Simpsons shitposting."? "Simpsons shitposting" had simple roots - ugly, blurry screencaps of Marge krumping in a (semi)-recent run episode, simple faceswaps, awkward screencaps that would capture mid-frame movement, replacing everyone's face with Hans Moleman, etc. But as of the past two years or so, they've evolved into something more sophisticated (on the whole). They've evolved into cross-reference masterpieces: The basic essence of the modern version of Simpsons Shitposting is that instead of a SINGLE reference from The Simpsons, you give the people MULTIPLE references bizarrely interwoven with one another in inexplicable ways...that still leave both (or MORE) references intact. It's a delicate act - but the beauty of it is that it brings SURPRISE back to Simpsons references. That was the problem (I use that term very loosely - there was no actual "problem" with some of the best TV ever produced) with Simpsons references - they had all become too familiar and rote, so every reference was anticipated and expected. It was dull - there was no way to actually catch anyone by surprise with a reference, unless you were just pulling some random never-talked-about moment as some kind of ironic joke (I had a friend who used to reference Wendell frequently). But Simpsons Shitposting was able to bring that surprise back to the references and jokes we all know and love, free of irony. And hell, it REWARDED the kind of deep Simpsons knowledge that is otherwise only utilized at bar trivia nights - not only did you have to understand individual moments from Simpsons episodes, you had to be able to juggle multiple ones at the same time. Of course, there grew certain GENRES within this already seemingly niche subgroup of memes, primarily around specific references that could be twisted and and repurposed in a multitude of ways: Moe's "dissing your fly girl" class speech Burns' false identity "Snrub" Todd Flanders' shocking "I don't want any damn vegetables" reply to his mother Lenny's drunken thumbs up to a terrified Mr. Burns after a company-sponsored drag race night The angry dad who warns his kids that it'll be "back to Winnipeg" if they don't calm down and there was a good day or two where the Simpsons subreddit was ALL ABOUT the Tungsten guy. But none of these hold a candle to the KING of Simpsons Shitposting: STEAMED HAMS. "Steamed hams" is - of course - in reference to the Skinner and Chalmers story from 22 Short Stories About Springfield, showcasing a seemingly disastrous dinner date that manages to work out (mostly) well, thanks to Skinner's completely unbelievable lies and Chalmers' surprising acceptance of said lies. If you've read this far, hopefully I don't need to actually EXPLAIN the scene to you - you know it like the? back of your hand. And the reason you know it is because it's possibly the most perfect sequence The Simpsons ever produced. It's short - only around 2 and a half minutes. But in that short timespan, it packs in jokes and character moments so densely, it's nearly unbelievable. There is not a single ounce of fat in this scene - everything moves lightning fast and no beat goes to waste. It's a masterclass in comedy writing that we should all feel blessed we were able to witness. Career best voice acting from Harry Shearer as Skinner and Hank Azaria as Chalmers. You can hear Skinner's increasing desperation (and impossible attempts to maintain an aura of calmness, like when he tries to get his terrified mother to go along with the lie that the house burning down is "just the Northern Lights") with every new fib, and each one of Chalmers' quietly disbelieving "uh-huh"s is a work of art (to say nothing of the "AURORA BOREALIS?!" section ending in a meek "...may I see it?"). The way the bit plays off of an established rhythm between Chalmers and Skinner taken to the most absurd degree possible. Sure, Chalmers may shrug off hearing a student ask "what's a battle?" with Skinner's awkward interjection of clarifying Ralph was asking "what's that rattle?" or that there would be an unrelated article within the banner headline of the newspaper - but those lies never compounded beyond one or two questions. Here, the lies begin piling on top of each other and growing in absurdity, until Skinner's desperately trying to claim grilled hamburgers are called "steamed hams" in upstate New York (specifically Albany) and that the raging fire within his kitchen is actually just aurora borealis. At each turn, you expect the flimsy house of cards Skinner has built to finally collapse (because how could it not?), and at each turn Chalmers just accepts Skinner's blatant cover and moves on. Through this scene, the term "steamed hams" entered the lexicon and "aurora borealis" was forever given a new connotation?forever - seriously, I would imagine an enormous chunk of people on this planet would immediately associate it instantly with the fire raging in Skinner's kitchen ahead of the atmospheric lights visible in the higher latitudes. And having these two unbelievably memorable terms made for?perfect shitpost fodder:?all it really takes to make a solid shitpost out of it is to replace two faces with those of Skinner and Chalmers and swap one key phrase with "steamed hams." The results are...magical. And the nature of these shitposts continues to evolve - someone composed the ENTIRE "steamed hams" sequence for piano. And it works...surprisingly well. There's also someone who edited 10 different versions of the scene (each getting progressively faster) so that they would all sync up when Chalmers says "AURORA BOREALIS!", a version that plays as normal except that all of Skinner and Chalmers' lines are reversed (it makes sense if you watch it), a version where the dialogue is translated into Chinese and then back into English using Google Translate, and so on. Basically, "steamed hams" has become the ultimate source of inspiration for Simpsons shitposters all around the world (as it deserves). INTERVIEW: BILL OAKLEY We managed to get ahold of Bill Oakley to answer some questions, because I will take ANY opportunity to pester my writing heroes about utterly nonsensical memes they inspired. In case you didn't know, Oakley is the individual responsible for the "steamed hams" segment, and is thus responsible for the spread of this genre of shitpost. I wanted to know his feelings on the matter: Have you ever heard of or seen "Simpsons shitposts"? Specifically the trend of mixed-reference shitposts? Sorry for typing "shitpost" so much. Yes, I have seen hundreds and hundreds of them and I love almost all of them. What's your take on Simpsons shitposting? I think your analysis is spot-on. ?It is remixing references which have grown pretty tired after 20 straight years and putting them together in new and delightful ways. ?Actually my only quibble is that I don't think they are shitty so I think the term is a?misnomer. I agree that the term "shitpost" isn't really ideal for this subgenre, which feels like an honest-to-goodness art form, if a highly specific one. Maybe "fishbulbs"? I like fishbulbs! When you originally wrote the "steamed hams" sequence of 22 Short Films About Springfield, did you feel you had struck something meaningful? No, I had no idea whether it was funny or not. ?I thought there was a possibility it might be?terrifically unfunny, in fact. ?It was?extremely self-indulgent of me to write the longest segment in the entire episode and not include a single "traditional" joke and I thought there was a huge possibility it might get cut. ?When I turned the script into Greg Daniels, who was coordinating the episode, I seem to recall he read through it without laughing once. ?And the table read was a pretty big failure at the time too. ?It seems to have gotten a lot more popular as time went on -- which I appreciate. When did you start realizing "steamed hams" had become a legitimate meme unto itself? I feel like I first noticed it three or four years ago, on Twitter and to a lesser degree on Facebook. ?Then when this happened about 18 months ago (https://www.buzzfeed.com/bradesposito/thousands-of-people-keep-asking-this-grocery-store). I knew the whole thing had taken off and since then it has been feeding on itself. ?I have a feeling?"Inventor of Steamed Hams" is going to be on my tombstone now. Do you have a favorite "steamed hams" meme, shitpost, or video? There are a ton - someone even turned the scene into a track in Guitar Hero. My favorite one is the one my kids made me two years ago for Christmas, which is a live action reenactment of the entire segment, word for word and shot for shot, starring them. ?They even had?steam coming out of Seymour's oven (my actual oven) for the flaming roast. ?Ho… read more
 
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