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College Humor

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Tons of hot college chicks and humorous multi-media files for download inside! Plus tons of pop culture and celebrity talk to keep you occupied! This is the cream of the crop variety blog, there are so many out there but none can surpass the quality of the good folks at College Humor! They also feature articles, games, and other hot items on the blog that you simply can't miss!
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[v]Latest College Humor news
Date: 06.23.2018
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Date: 06.22.2018
1. Chelsea Clinton tells us what to write This is honestly such a laughable accusation. You think Chelsea Clinton - who has enough money, power, and influence to get herself in at almost any legitimate news outlet she wants - would take time out of her day to tell CollegeHumor what to write? That's crazy. THE TRUTH? Chelsea Clinton?never?tells us what to write. Her assistant does. 2. We're all a bunch of liberals We're not all liberals - honestly, there's a wide array of political beliefs and identities here at CollegeHumor, just as there would be in any workplace. THE TRUTH? Sure, plenty of people here would call themselves liberal, but many others would say they're Stalinists, Maoists, Marxists, Trotskyists, Dirtbag Leftists, Democratic Socialists, Leninists, Anarcho-Communists, Third Wave Socialists, Communists, etc. 3. We're just Buzzfeed now Anytime we make a list article of tweets or a video involving the cast doing something silly (like reviewing weird Amazon products), we get accused of being Buzzfeed. Because Buzzfeed apparently owns every concept of internet content, I guess? Even though pretty much everything they're well-known for started someplace else? Hard to say, really. Just seems like anytime anyone makes any kind of content people don't like, they get accused of "turning into Buzzfeed." THE TRUTH? I WISH we were Buzzfeed. We don't get champagne when WE embed a Tumblr post about a dress. Yes, BuzzFeed is having champagne to celebrate THE DRESS because it's one of our biggest posts ever in history. pic.twitter.com/FVjIHtWlub -- Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) February 27, 2015 4. We're not as funny as we used to be Everything seems better with hindsight goggles on - nostalgia clouds everything and the assumption is that the old days were definitely better than the present. Maybe you just remember the early days of CollegeHumor more fondly because you miss the earlier days of your life - back when you had less responsibility and more time to goof around with friends? Or maybe you liked the style of CollegeHumor's comedy more from our earlier days, and as we've grown and evolved our voice, we're appealing to other people more than you? The point is - comedy is subjective, so it's hard to gauge. THE TRUTH? Well, of course we're not as funny as we used to be. No one can keep up this level of hilarity forever: 5. We're a bunch of stupid morons with ugly faces and big butts, and our butt smells and we like to kiss our own butts. HEY WAIT A MINUTE! THE TRUTH? Okay, this one's true. read more
 
Date: 06.21.2018
10. Jack Russell Terrier If you grew up in the 90's, the odds are that at some point you asked your mom for a Jack Russell only to be told that they're too much effort. Smart, energetic, and, above all else, cute, Jack Russells are the definition of a kid's best bud. What's more, there's no better dog to cut to when the protagonist does something stupid. 9. Puli I've never met a Puli. I don't even know if I've ever seen on in real life. For all I know, they are the meanest creatures on earth, but I don't care. They could be a breed of homophobe who survives on a strict diet of orphan meat, and they'd still deserve a spot on this list because they look like a sentient mop, and nothing they do is gonna change that. In short, they're perfect. 8. St. Bernards A dog that brings you alcohol? Sign me up immediately. Another staple of the 90s, St. Bernard more than make up for the daily gallon of slobber they produce with their smooshable faces and huggable bellies. If movies are to believed, these behemoths can destroy whole living rooms by simply shaking the mud off their fur. That said, I would consider it an honor to take off my dirty glasses and wipe them clean of sludge if it means I get to be in the presence of on of these goobers. 7. ?Bloodhounds Look at this chill ass motherfucker. Bloodhounds are the kind of badasses who can solve murders by day then chill out at your feet while rocking a sweet ass Sherlock Holmes costume at night. They may not be the most energetic of pooches, but if you wanna just lay low and pet a pooch, you can't beat these wrinkly little monsters. 6. Mutts It's at this point that a take a break from ranking dog breeds to point out that, genetically speaking, mutts are the best kind of dog. Dog breeding is an archaic and borderline evil practice that causes all sort of health defects in our furry friends. If given the choice between buying a purebred and adopting a mutt, you should always go with the latter. Okay, killjoy time over. Back to ranking dog breeds. 5. Bulldogs Remember when I called dog breeding borderline evil? Well here's your proof. These genetic deformities are sins against nature, but holy shit, they're cute as hell. They're just so wrong that they're right again. Do I think they should exist? No. Do I want to take all the ones that do exist, dress them up in business suits and let the shower me with slobbery kisses? Of course I do. 4. Labrador Retrievers Labs are cool ass dogs. They don't need your fucking approval, and that makes it so cool that they're such loyal little guys. Walking around with a lab is like being friends with a celebrity. People will stop. Eyes will turn. You'll seem that much more interesting by the mere fact that you're happen to be in their orbit. It's great. Also, they happen to make the undisputed cutest puppies, so bonus points on that front. 3. Tie: French Bulldog/Boston Terriers Both these breeds are incredibly silly and that is exactly their charm. Their smushed faces and pointy ears make them impossible to resist. Do both of them fart a lot and snore like little sailors? Yes they do. That said, aren't ?unpleasant smells and a lack of sleep worth it if it means you get to stare at one of these silly faces everyday? The answer is yes. 2. Golden Retrievers If you looked up dog in the dictionary, you see a Golden. Then odds are that Golden would wag its tail and try to kiss you because that's the kind of dogs they are. As their name suggests, these little fuffsters are golden drops of sunlight that make everything around them happier. I've never met one that didn't instantly put a smile on my face, and I'm a very sad person, so that says a lot. 1.Pekingese Pekingese aren't much to look at, they don't have much personality, and they shed like a bitch. That said, my dog is a Pekingese and that means that they are unquestionably the best breed of dog....objectively. ? read more
 
Date: 06.20.2018
1. Chelsea Clinton tells us what to write This is honestly such a laughable accusation. You think Chelsea Clinton - who has enough money, power, and influence to get herself in at almost any legitimate news outlet she wants - would take time out of her day to tell CollegeHumor what to write? That's crazy. THE TRUTH? Chelsea Clinton?never?tells us what to write. Her assistant does. 2. We're all a bunch of liberals We're not all liberals - honestly, there's a wide array of political beliefs and identities here at CollegeHumor, just as there would be in any workplace. THE TRUTH? Sure, plenty of people here would call themselves liberal, but many others would say they're Stalinists, Maoists, Marxists, Trotskyists, Dirtbag Leftists, Democratic Socialists, Leninists, Anarcho-Communists, Third Wave Socialists, Communists, etc. 3. We're just Buzzfeed now Anytime we make a list article of tweets or a video involving the cast doing something silly (like reviewing weird Amazon products), we get accused of being Buzzfeed. Because Buzzfeed apparently owns every concept of internet content, I guess? Even though pretty much everything they're well-known for started someplace else? Hard to say, really. Just seems like anytime anyone makes any kind of content people don't like, they get accused of "turning into Buzzfeed." THE TRUTH? I WISH we were Buzzfeed. We don't get champagne when WE embed a Tumblr post about a dress. Yes, BuzzFeed is having champagne to celebrate THE DRESS because it's one of our biggest posts ever in history. pic.twitter.com/FVjIHtWlub -- Matt Bellassai (@MattBellassai) February 27, 2015 4. We're not as funny as we used to be Everything seems better with hindsight goggles on - nostalgia clouds everything and the assumption is that the old days were definitely better than the present. Maybe you just remember the early days of CollegeHumor more fondly because you miss the earlier days of your life - back when you had less responsibility and more time to goof around with friends? Or maybe you liked the style of CollegeHumor's comedy more from our earlier days, and as we've grown and evolved our voice, we're appealing to other people more than you? The point is - comedy is subjective, so it's hard to gauge. THE TRUTH? Well, of course we're not as funny as we used to be. No one can keep up this level of hilarity forever: 5. We're a bunch of stupid morons with ugly faces and big butts, and our butt smells and we like to kiss our own butts. HEY WAIT A MINUTE! THE TRUTH? Okay, this one's true. read more
 
Date: 06.19.2018
10. Jack Russell Terrier If you grew up in the 90's, the odds are that at some point you asked your mom for a Jack Russell only to be told that they're too much effort. Smart, energetic, and, above all else, cute, Jack Russells are the definition of a kid's best bud. What's more, there's no better dog to cut to when the protagonist does something stupid. 9. Puli I've never met a Puli. I don't even know if I've ever seen on in real life. For all I know, they are the meanest creatures on earth, but I don't care. They could be a breed of homophobe who survives on a strict diet of orphan meat, and they'd still deserve a spot on this list because they look like a sentient mop, and nothing they do is gonna change that. In short, they're perfect. 8. St. Bernards A dog that brings you alcohol? Sign me up immediately. Another staple of the 90s, St. Bernard more than make up for the daily gallon of slobber they produce with their smooshable faces and huggable bellies. If movies are to believed, these behemoths can destroy whole living rooms by simply shaking the mud off their fur. That said, I would consider it an honor to take off my dirty glasses and wipe them clean of sludge if it means I get to be in the presence of on of these goobers. 7. ?Bloodhounds Look at this chill ass motherfucker. Bloodhounds are the kind of badasses who can solve murders by day then chill out at your feet while rocking a sweet ass Sherlock Holmes costume at night. They may not be the most energetic of pooches, but if you wanna just lay low and pet a pooch, you can't beat these wrinkly little monsters. 6. Mutts It's at this point that a take a break from ranking dog breeds to point out that, genetically speaking, mutts are the best kind of dog. Dog breeding is an archaic and borderline evil practice that causes all sort of health defects in our furry friends. If given the choice between buying a purebred and adopting a mutt, you should always go with the latter. Okay, killjoy time over. Back to ranking dog breeds. 5. Bulldogs Remember when I called dog breeding borderline evil? Well here's your proof. These genetic deformities are sins against nature, but holy shit, they're cute as hell. They're just so wrong that they're right again. Do I think they should exist? No. Do I want to take all the ones that do exist, dress them up in business suits and let the shower me with slobbery kisses? Of course I do. 4. Labrador Retrievers Labs are cool ass dogs. They don't need your fucking approval, and that makes it so cool that they're such loyal little guys. Walking around with a lab is like being friends with a celebrity. People will stop. Eyes will turn. You'll seem that much more interesting by the mere fact that you're happen to be in their orbit. It's great. Also, they happen to make the undisputed cutest puppies, so bonus points on that front. 3. Tie: French Bulldog/Boston Terriers Both these breeds are incredibly silly and that is exactly their charm. Their smushed faces and pointy ears make them impossible to resist. Do both of them fart a lot and snore like little sailors? Yes they do. That said, aren't ?unpleasant smells and a lack of sleep worth it if it means you get to stare at one of these silly faces everyday? The answer is yes. 2. Golden Retrievers If you looked up dog in the dictionary, you see a Golden. Then odds are that Golden would wag its tail and try to kiss you because that's the kind of dogs they are. As their name suggests, these little fuffsters are golden drops of sunlight that make everything around them happier. I've never met one that didn't instantly put a smile on my face, and I'm a very sad person, so that says a lot. 1.Pekingese Pekingese aren't much to look at, they don't have much personality, and they shed like a bitch. That said, my dog is a Pekingese and that means that they are unquestionably the best breed of dog....objectively. ? read more
 
Date: 01.08.2018
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Date: 01.08.2018
In light of Michael Wolff's recently released book about the inner-workings of the Trump White House, there have been renewed allegations that Donald Trump is "mentally unstable" and "unfit for the duties of the presidency" (which led to the now-infamous "mentally stable genius" tweet delivered by Trump). And while it's easy and righteous-feeling to accuse the President of being mentally unfit, due to his sometimes erratic behavior and actions, it's a moral slippery slope. Is it right to accuse someone of mental instability or illness? Is there any legitimacy to it? The answer: no, absolutely not. Criticize the President and his policies as much as you'd like - you're well within your rights to do so. But attacking his mental health crosses a line. Here's why: 1. You're probably not a medical professional Calling someone "crazy" is easy - especially when you are unqualified to actually diagnose anyone, or understand the actual definition of the terminology you're using. The reality is that mental illness is a deeply complex subject matter, and only studied individuals who have dedicated their lives to mental health should be offering such diagnoses. When non-medical professionals trained in mental health to accuse others of mental instability, it's usually because they're being ignorant assholes who have no idea what they're actually talking about. All NYC needs is the mentally unstable Elliot Spitzer in office again. -- Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) July 15, 2013 2. Even if you ARE a medical professional capable of diagnosing patients with mental illness, unless you've personally examined President Trump, it's inappropriate to diagnose from afar Any legitimate psychologist would caution trying to diagnose someone from afar who did not undergo the proper examination or scrutiny - you can't be expected to give an accurate or fair diagnosis to someone you've only seen on television. There's literally a medical ethical rule (the "Goldwater Rule") that states it is unethical for psychiatrists to diagnose public figures who they did not examine. You need to be able to observe them in a more up-close, personal nature - otherwise, you're just trying to be name-calling dipshit. Sorry, @Rosie is a mentally sick woman, a bully, a dummy and, above all, a loser. Other than that she is just wonderful! -- Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 9, 2014 3. Calling the President "mentally incapable" runs dangerously close to simply trying to invalidate someone because you disagree with their politics Let's face it - people have been calling Presidents "crazy" since...forever. No, seriously - George Washington was called "crazy", as was prettttttty much every President who followed. And while each individual attack was likely justified in the minds of those making the accusation, it's nearly impossible to separate any genuine concern over mental stability from partisan bias. It's rarely "hey, I'm really concerned about the President's mental state, folks. We should get him some help" compared to "THE PRESIDENT IS ACTING CRAZY! WE NEED TO STOP ALL THE THINGS HE'S DOING THAT I DON'T LIKE!" There's no actual empathy - it's nearly indistinguishable from any other partisan attack, trying to invalidate political action that you disagree with. Luckily, this kind of lewd, dickish behavior is mostly reserved for random civilians - people IN politics would almost never resort to such a childish tactic. I am starting to think that there is something seriously wrong with President Obama's mental health. Why won't he stop the flights. Psycho! -- Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) October 16, 2014 4. Calling someone "crazy" or "mentally unstable" to explain (what appears to you) as erratic or scary behavior stigmatizes mental illness When you immediately begin attacking someone's mental acuity for behaving strangely, what you're really doing is stigmatizing mental illness. You're saying that behavior you don't like falls into a broad bucket of "being crazy" - which isn't really a thing (there are MULTITUDES of actual diagnoses). And then people who ARE actually suffering from various mental illnesses (and deserving of sympathy and kindness) are being lumped in with people you simply dislike and want to discredit. It's ignorant, it's lazy, and it's unfair to those suffering through the plight of mental illness. You'd have to be a real shitlord dumbass to say someone like that publicly. Just heard that crazy and very dumb @morningmika had a mental breakdown while talking about me on the low ratings @Morning_Joe. Joe a mess! -- Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) September 2, 2016 5. Unless you actually care about someone's mental wellness, you're just name-calling Here's the thing - unless you're a mental health professional who's going to spend time with someone who you genuinely want to help, and then diagnose them in a way that will help them find treatment towards greater mental health, what are you actually doing? You just want to name call and demean someone you don't like - since you're not actually achieving anything more than that, and since it's clear you have no ACTUAL interest in their mental well-being. You're just a petty, whiny, stupid dick who no one should listen to, ever. "@11phenomenon: #LyingTed blames @realDonaldTrump for so many things I am starting to think he is having a mental health crisis." -- Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) March 25, 2016 read more
 
Date: 01.08.2018
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Date: 01.08.2018
You goddamn piece of shit motherfucker. You unfeeling, uncaring, self-involved, greedy, conniving shitlord supreme. Did you give even a second thought to the guy behind you, who also wanted beans? Who thinks that a hefty portion of beans is what really MAKES a solid Chipotle burrito? Who only goes to Chipotle, like, once every two weeks, so it's kinda a special occasion - so I kinda have a lot riding emotionally on a satisfying burrito experience? Do you have even an OUNCE of empathy in your goddamn body? No. The answer is OBVIOUSLY no - because if it were ANYTHING ELSE, you wouldn't have done what you did. You wouldn't have acted with such callous disregard for humanity - because there is nothing about you that is human. You are a soulless monstrosity, visited upon this world to bring misery to any and all who might have the misfortune to stand behind you in line at Chipotle. via Shutterstock But let me back up a moment - let's go over what actually transpired in that line. It was 9:45 PM - a little late, which is nice, because the line at Chipotle usually isn't too bad by that point. I prefer going when the line is shorter, because the servers tend to be a little more generous with their portions when they don't have to worry about running out of certain items due to the huge influx of customers rolling through. And I had my eyes set on a chicken burrito - white rice, black beans, chicken, TWO salsas (mild AND hot), some corn, some sour cream, and maybe even some guacamole on the side. Gotta treat yourself sometimes, ya know? But it was those black beans I had my eyes on as I approached the counter. The stock was low - not completely gone, but low enough that they might start to get stingy with it if things dropped much lower. But what did I have to worry about? There was only ONE other person in line ahead of me - I was sure everything would be fine. But everything wasn't fine. Because it was YOU. I should have known from the start what you were up to - you ordered a burrito bowl....with an extra tortilla on the side. Classic move to get more rice than usual for essentially the same price. You went with white rice (not a big deal, since they'd recently refilled), but then came your bean order: you asked for black beans. Shit. Not the end of the world, but you got a nice helping of black beans - one anyone would be content with. But did you move on? Did you show mercy in your heart? No. No, you did not. As the server was going to move your burrito bowl down the line, you said "Actually, could I have some pinto beans too?" Classic. CLASSIC. Instead of asking for half-black, half-pinto (as etiquette would dictate), you tricked the server by getting a full order of black beans and then as an apparent afterthought asking for pinto beans. Of course, you'd only get half (or less) an order of pinto beans, but that's still coming out at 1.5x the normal level of beans, and they can't charge you for it. Brilliant - evil too, but also brilliant. And if you had stopped there, I would have been perturbed by your behavior, but not filled with unholy rage. It was what happened AFTER the pinto bean sneak attack that caught me off guard. You asked for "just a little more black beans." And when the hesitant server added a tiny portion (maybe 40% of a spoonful), you had the AUDACITY to go: "Just a little more, if you don't mind." Realizing what was happening, the defeated server gave in to your poor manners and scheming ways and gave you a nice helping of additional black beans (maybe 65% of a spoonful - I was keeping track). From there you moved on, pulling other underhanded moves to get more meat than normal, more guac than would normally be acceptable, etc. But the damage had been done. You had depleted the black bean stock by an unreasonable amount. And with no staff moving around to get more beans and closing time right around the corner, I knew what I was in for - a meager helping of black beans. There was no one behind me, no reason for the server to open up an entirely new thing of black beans - so when I whimpered that I would like black beans, please, all I got was maybe 50% of a spoonful. That was all there was. My burrito was doomed before it even had a chance to begin. Robbed of its beany quality, the flavors would be off - the rice, meat, and salsa would take up an overwhelming amount of the taste and texture. The balance would be off. The server asked if I would like some pinto beans to compensate (I was tearing up and biting my lower lip at this point), but I DIDN'T LIKE PINTO BEANS SO NO. Besides - MIXING beans? I'm not some kind of degenerate. I know it's 2018 and times have changed, but I'm a one-type of beans per burrito kinda guy. But even THAT wasn't the final insult. I watched you as I seethed with rage - you sat down on one of those little stools, and you poured your burrito ingredients into your "extra" tortilla, creating a massive burrito that could barely hold itself together. And you chomped into it heartily, taking far too big bites, guzzling down Sprite (hidden in a "water cup" you had asked for - another dishonest move). And then - with still a third of the burrito left - you stood up and threw it in the trash before heading to the exit. via Yelp YOU THREW 33.3% OF THE BURRITO INTO THE GARBAGE. YOU DIDN'T EVEN NEED NOR WANT ALL OF THE EXTRA BEANS YOU CLAIMED FOR YOURSELF. WHILE I SAT THERE, EATING MY PATHETIC BEAN-LIGHT BURRITO, YOU TOSSED YOURS AWAY LIKE IT MEANT NOTHING. I will never forgive this. I will never forget this. I will dedicate the rest of my life to getting even with you - for someday, I'll be ahead of you in the Chipotle line. And I will demand they give me every black bean in the restaurant. I don't care how much it costs. I don't care how disgusting an enormous burrito composed of nothing but black beans would taste. I want you to feel the pain and anguish I felt that day. Now - if you'll excuse me - I have to write an open letter to the Chipotle server who accidentally let one piece of chicken fall out of my burrito when they were folding it up. read more
 
Date: 01.08.2018
You goddamn piece of shit motherfucker. You unfeeling, uncaring, self-involved, greedy, conniving shitlord supreme. Did you give even a second thought to the guy behind you, who also wanted beans? Who thinks that a hefty portion of beans is what really MAKES a solid Chipotle burrito? Who only goes to Chipotle, like, once every two weeks, so it's kinda a special occasion - so I kinda have a lot riding emotionally on a satisfying burrito experience? Do you have even an OUNCE of empathy in your goddamn body? No. The answer is OBVIOUSLY no - because if it were ANYTHING ELSE, you wouldn't have done what you did. You wouldn't have acted with such callous disregard for humanity - because there is nothing about you that is human. You are a soulless monstrosity, visited upon this world to bring misery to any and all who might have the misfortune to stand behind you in line at Chipotle. via Shutterstock But let me back up a moment - let's go over what actually transpired in that line. It was 9:45 PM - a little late, which is nice, because the line at Chipotle usually isn't too bad by that point. I prefer going when the line is shorter, because the servers tend to be a little more generous with their portions when they don't have to worry about running out of certain items due to the huge influx of customers rolling through. And I had my eyes set on a chicken burrito - white rice, black beans, chicken, TWO salsas (mild AND hot), some corn, some sour cream, and maybe even some guacamole on the side. Gotta treat yourself sometimes, ya know? But it was those black beans I had my eyes on as I approached the counter. The stock was low - not completely gone, but low enough that they might start to get stingy with it if things dropped much lower. But what did I have to worry about? There was only ONE other person in line ahead of me - I was sure everything would be fine. But everything wasn't fine. Because it was YOU. I should have known from the start what you were up to - you ordered a burrito bowl....with an extra tortilla on the side. Classic move to get more rice than usual for essentially the same price. You went with white rice (not a big deal, since they'd recently refilled), but then came your bean order: you asked for black beans. Shit. Not the end of the world, but you got a nice helping of black beans - one anyone would be content with. But did you move on? Did you show mercy in your heart? No. No, you did not. As the server was going to move your burrito bowl down the line, you said "Actually, could I have some pinto beans too?" Classic. CLASSIC. Instead of asking for half-black, half-pinto (as etiquette would dictate), you tricked the server by getting a full order of black beans and then as an apparent afterthought asking for pinto beans. Of course, you'd only get half (or less) an order of pinto beans, but that's still coming out at 1.5x the normal level of beans, and they can't charge you for it. Brilliant - evil too, but also brilliant. And if you had stopped there, I would have been perturbed by your behavior, but not filled with unholy rage. It was what happened AFTER the pinto bean sneak attack that caught me off guard. You asked for "just a little more black beans." And when the hesitant server added a tiny portion (maybe 40% of a spoonful), you had the AUDACITY to go: "Just a little more, if you don't mind." Realizing what was happening, the defeated server gave in to your poor manners and scheming ways and gave you a nice helping of additional black beans (maybe 65% of a spoonful - I was keeping track). From there you moved on, pulling other underhanded moves to get more meat than normal, more guac than would normally be acceptable, etc. But the damage had been done. You had depleted the black bean stock by an unreasonable amount. And with no staff moving around to get more beans and closing time right around the corner, I knew what I was in for - a meager helping of black beans. There was no one behind me, no reason for the server to open up an entirely new thing of black beans - so when I whimpered that I would like black beans, please, all I got was maybe 50% of a spoonful. That was all there was. My burrito was doomed before it even had a chance to begin. Robbed of its beany quality, the flavors would be off - the rice, meat, and salsa would take up an overwhelming amount of the taste and texture. The balance would be off. The server asked if I would like some pinto beans to compensate (I was tearing up and biting my lower lip at this point), but I DIDN'T LIKE PINTO BEANS SO NO. Besides - MIXING beans? I'm not some kind of degenerate. I know it's 2018 and times have changed, but I'm a one-type of beans per burrito kinda guy. But even THAT wasn't the final insult. I watched you as I seethed with rage - you sat down on one of those little stools, and you poured your burrito ingredients into your "extra" tortilla, creating a massive burrito that could barely hold itself together. And you chomped into it heartily, taking far too big bites, guzzling down Sprite (hidden in a "water cup" you had asked for - another dishonest move). And then - with still a third of the burrito left - you stood up and threw it in the trash before heading to the exit. via Yelp YOU THREW 33.3% OF THE BURRITO INTO THE GARBAGE. YOU DIDN'T EVEN NEED NOR WANT ALL OF THE EXTRA BEANS YOU CLAIMED FOR YOURSELF. WHILE I SAT THERE, EATING MY PATHETIC BEAN-LIGHT BURRITO, YOU TOSSED YOURS AWAY LIKE IT MEANT NOTHING. I will never forgive this. I will never forget this. I will dedicate the rest of my life to getting even with you - for someday, I'll be ahead of you in the Chipotle line. And I will demand they give me every black bean in the restaurant. I don't care how much it costs. I don't care how disgusting an enormous burrito composed of nothing but black beans would taste. I want you to feel the pain and anguish I felt that day. Now - if you'll excuse me - I have to write an open letter to the Chipotle server who accidentally let one piece of chicken fall out of my burrito when they were folding it up. read more
 
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