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These days, many women will run screaming from you when you approach them and lock themselves inside an impenetrable panic room as they shriek in terror and wait for law enforcement to arrive. Yet, that doesn't mean you can't talk to them. Of course, not all women are open to being approached because not all women have yet to file restraining orders against you. However, if a woman hiding in her panic room is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will usually be happy to exit her panic room to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her (especially if you've already literally created a spark by trying to force her out of the panic room by lighting a fire in the ventilation system). Her exiting the panic room doesn't always mean that she is super interested and wants you to ask for her number or relentlessly pursue her through the rest of her house or anything serious like that. Sometimes, it's simply a cause of her being open to what you've got to say and to then see where it goes. What to Do to Get Her Attention 1. Stand in front of the security camera (so she can see your soulless eyes staring grimly at her). 2. Have a confident, easy-going smile that is betrayed only slightly by the rage-quiver in your lips. 3. If she hasn't already screamed that she has a gun and will use it, simply tell her that no one's coming to save her so she might as well give up. Show her the badge you stole from the cop you murdered, so she knows you're serious! 4. When the intercom goes silent, tap on the steel door and confidently ask, "Can you exit the panic room for a second?" as you pretend to be placing your gun on the ground, so she fully understands that she won't die instantly. If she doesn't understand that you want her to open the door to her panic room, simply gesture that you want to talk to her by pointing directly at the camera , "Get out of the panic room NOW." In most cases, you won't have to go to that extreme, but some girls are shy and will be hesitant about exiting their panic room initially. If she doesn't want to exit her panic room, it's probably a good sign that she doesn't want to talk to you, so just respect that and wait patiently until she exits of her own volition once her food and supplies begin to run low. 5. If she exits her panic room, do what we call "Acknowledging the Awkwardness" by quickly mentioning something about the potential awkwardness of the moment (see the conversation example below), to demonstrate you understand that approaching a woman in this way isn't the most common of experiences for either party (I mean, for you it definitely is, but don't let her know that) For example, outside her panic room, while you slam your fists against the steel door repeatedly: You: [Smile in a friendly, confident manner] Hey - I know it's not normal for people to talk to someone hiding in a panic room, but I was walking along and saw you and thought - wow, she's hot, I have to come over and say hi. I'm Bill, what's your name? Woman: ?Please don't kill me. I have children. You: [Add in some humor to get her smiling and create a spark between you] Cool...nice to meet you. I don't normally talk to girls hiding in panic rooms, but your impenetrable panic room door was just calling out to me. Woman: [Possibly smiling or laughing or crying or shrieking for help]. You: [If you're in her hallway, let her know that you have something else to do besides talk to her, so she understands that you're not going to stand there making a "I'm going to slit your throat" motion with your thumb across your neck for 30 minutes] Anyway, I'm just out doing a bit of shopping at the moment. How about you? If it's clear that she's interested in talking to you or too afraid to leave, keep the conversation going and if she's not busy at that moment, sit down with her and have a chat for a while before getting her phone number and parting ways. Common Mistakes That Guys Make When Approaching Women Who Are Hiding in Panic Rooms 1. Approaching in a nervous manner If you want the interaction to go smoothly and not feel awkward for either of you, make sure that you approach and talk to her in a relaxed, confident manner. Most women are attracted to the strength in men (e.g. confidence, masculinity) and turned off by the weakness (e.g. nervousness, anxiety), so if you are nervous or anxious, she probably won't be interested in talking to you. For example: If a guy asks a girl to exit her panic room and the first words out of his mouth are, "Hi, ummm... I was, ummm... wondering, ummm... sorry to interrupt...how, ummm... are you?" you can guess what will happen next. Back in the panic room and she'll likely call 911 again and give them a description of your face and body-type so the SWAT team knows who to take out. 2. Giving up too easily Panic rooms are a great barrier between a person and the rest of the world. Some women hide in panic rooms because they don't want guys or anyone else to attack them violently, so if you try to talk to a woman and she clearly shows that she's not interested in talking to you, just respect that and wait for her to give up. However, sometimes a woman will be interested in talking to a guy, but she won't immediately exit her panic room and show interest. Why? Some women like to test to see how confident a guy is by ignoring his attempts to converse with her and then seeing what he does next, although she's usually sobbing and begging you to leave the entire time. Does he become nervous and awkward? Does he walk away in shame, or does he remain calm and continue talking to her in a confident, easy-going manner? If a guy gives up at the first sign of resistance, a woman like her will lose interest because he lacks the type of confidence that she looks for in a guy. So, if you are going to talk to a woman in a panic room, just keep in mind that some women will immediately exit their panic room to chat to you (this has never been the case with me, but it's possible), some will make it obvious that they don't want to be bothered and others might want to talk to you, but first want to see if you will remain confident if she doesn't immediately begin talking to you. 3. Not leading the conversation If a shy guy stands in front a woman and is lost for words, she's most likely going to just run back to her panic room or say, "If I ever see you again I'll kill you" as she walks away to get away from him and finds an attorney to get a restraining order. You have approached her, so you can't expect her to be the one making all the conversation. You've got to lead the way. Leading a conversation with a woman is not about bossing her around, being arrogant or being too assertive as you talk to her. Instead, you simply need to remain confident and keep the conversation going in a relaxed, easy going manner as she shakes from terror and tries to get you to take all her money in exchange for leaving. 4. Sticking to polite or reserved conversation If a guy gets a woman to exit her panic room to talk to him and then only engages her in a polite, reserved conversation, she's probably not going to be very enthusiastic about talking to him for long, while she desperately searches the floor for any blunt object to strike the man with. So, make sure that you have the confidence to talk to her and be real. Just let your natural personality and sense of humor come through as you talk to her in a confident, easy going manner, rather than trying to be too polite or reserved. Watch out for the blunt object btw, she'll likely aim for your head. 5. Not including any flirting Flirting is the most discreet way for a man and a woman to communicate sexual interest in each other, without actually having to say, "Hey, I'm interested in you in a sexual way." (it's pretty likely you've already screamed that exact sentence at the security camera by now anyhow). If a guy doesn't include any flirting after getting a woman to exit the panic room to talk to him, she will most likely begin to wonder why he is talking to her if he isn't interested in her in that way. She might then say, "I swear to god I'll stab you in the dick, you son of a bitch", run back into the panic room and zone him out. So, if your intentions are to get the woman's phone number so you can possibly take her on a date, make sure that you attempt to flirt with her and see if she flirts back. If she flirts back, it usually means that she is interested and is open to getting to know you further, or she's trying to keep you calm and buy herself time before the police arrive. Most Women Are Open to Being Approached As you may have noticed, women usually don't go around actively approaching men in public places or even in bars or clubs. At least, not with me. And if they don't with me, I must assume all women actively avoid men and hide in panic rooms and change their name and phone number to hide from them. Women know that is the man's role to be confident enough to walk over and talk to a woman he finds attractive, so they have a chance to meet. If he doesn't do that, a woman will rarely walk over and talk to him first (unless she is doing so to pepper spray him in the face). So, don't ever think that you're doing a bad thing by approaching and talking to a woman hiding in her panic room in a confident, easy going way. Most single women are open to being approached by a confident guy, so that they can have a chance to meet a potential new lover or boyfriend. The key to talking to a woman who is hiding in a panic room (or who has run into a private bathroom and locked the door to escape you) is to be confident, relaxed and easy going as you talk to her. Of course, not all women who hide in panic rooms are open to being approached or hoping to be approached. However, you can only find that out by starting a conversation and seeing what happens. Who knows, she might just be your perfect girl, so go ahead and talk to her, even though you read more »
? ? Illustrated by Annie Erskine read more »
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Werner Herzog is known for asking some hard hitting questions, but we'ver discovered that there one that better than all others. In our never ending quest to create content for the internet, we here at CollegeHumor thought we would try trolling Tinder to see what happens. ? Our idea was to send people out of context quotes from famed documentarian Werner Herzog in an attempt to pick up some randos because why not? It didn't go well at first. ? Apparently people aren't that into odd, existentialist quotes. Who knew? ?? After striking out a couple of times, we were about to hang it up. That's when something weird happened. ? ? ? Dafuq? Not only did we get a response, but it was actually a genuinely interesting one. Had we been normal people and not just soulless content creators, this actually could have been the start of a good conversation. ? We decided to try the squirrel line again... ? ? And again... ? And every time we opened with this strange ass pick up line, we got a response. (Screenshots) ? Granted, not all the replies were great, but at least they messaged back! ? We're not sure why Werner Herzog was so desperate to hear about people's squirrel stories, but it seems like he accidentally gifted the world with the perfect pick up line. It seems as though everyone has a story involving a squirrel and they're all desperate to share it. ? If you're having trouble thinking of something to say on Tinder just use this line: ? Tell me about an encounter with a squirrel. It may just be the start of a beautiful relationship. read more »
? Illustrated by Scott DeWitt. read more »